The Doc Robbins’ Show Part One Gil
Well we all figured out what to do with CSI…drop it. and hopefully something good might come out of it. mmmmmm do you think?
THE DOC ROBBINS SHOW part one GIL
Announcer: “Ladies and gentlemen, the DOC ROBBINS SHOW !! Starring Doc Albert Robbins, with today’s guest Doctor Gil Grissom!”
Audience cheers !!!
“Welcome to the show folks !! Today’s guest is Dr Gil Grissom, one time number one tv show CSI, now….well let’s say he’s seen better days. Welcome Gil. I hear you had a mid life crisis and did something stupid, tell us about it.” (Whimpers ‘shoulda brought the damn sports car.’)
Gil looks down at his hands and twists them, “ Well, I had a case…about a child’s murder and (the audience groans sadly Gil looks up and nods) and well it bothered me.”
“So you turned to a coworker who was in YOUR office. Stupid move there and you screwed around behind everyone’s back. Sounds like you were REAL proud of her.” (Audience boos).
“Well ghees I had to get my frustrations out somewhere and the roller coaster just wasn’t cutting it.”.
“So instead you alienated all your friends, family, fans over a piece of cheap ass? Pretty stupid don’t you think?”
“Well….at the time, she was willing and able and hell in the dark who can tell who or what she is?” Gil looked at Doc hoping for some sympathy, he wasn’t getting any.
“So you kept Sara in the dark?”
“Well have you seen Sara naked?”
“Good point Gil. But really, you jeporized your career, your good name, YOUR FANS!, and (the audiences gasps) your bug friends.”
“How was I to know she would take my life over, everything….she thought RAID was perfume, all my racing racers….dead. (He sniffs and dabs his eyes). She even sucked the life out of my leeches.” (The audience cries out in disbelief. )
“She’s a real blood sucker wasn’t she? And you didn’t see it coming. You have known her for what? How many years?”
“Well according to CM, who is my biographer….ummm since she was fourteen. We seemed to have be fucking since then…odd I don’t remember anytime before 2006 but CM said it’s true so I gotta believe her.”
“Well it must been nothing to write home about, since you keep saying ‘NO NO NO’ and still she kept at it. But she was fourteen? (He wiggled his fingers to an offstage producer and whispers in his ear). Well now what are you going to do now with your life? You have managed to kill off the number one show on tv and gave me this show and thanks for that. But what are YOU going to do now?”
“Well (he sighs heavy) I’m going to have to grovel and beg big time. Well I’m going to try and make up to Heather and help her find the grandchild. (The audience cheers) and and…. I’m going to beg Heather to forgive my errrrrr.”
“Stupidity?”
“Hey I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“Yeah, you were thinking but with the wrong brain, dick head.” (Audience cheers.)
“Come one Doc you are a man, your understand right? Pussy is pussy.”
“Hey I’ve got it all going on at home and you took the cheap and easy way out. You had Heather and traded that for a drunken floozy. Stupid, never doubt your partner’s taste….look who they are with. I would say Sara got the better end of that deal and you well…..if and it’s a BIG if….Heather ever let’s you back into her life…..I hope she whips your ass good. (Audience cheers wildly).
Gil looks at Doc and blinks, “Man I thought I would get some sympathy here.”
“Oh get a grip! This is a WHIPPER site idiot, these people are not blind. Well one of them is. But even she your number one fan, could see Sara was a piece of crap from the beginning. And you had more chemistry in one scene with Heather or Catherine then the whole six years with Sara. Christ were you THAT dumb or that blind?”
“It’s NOT my fault ! It was CM’s !!! She kept changing things in midstream and….”
“Oh get a grip and stand up and be a man. Take some responsibility for it. You HAD a say in this, Sara didn’t fuck herself..”
“Well actually she did for a few years, seems she couldn’t find a man to save her life and so she…well ..you know.”
“What jerked herself off?”
“Well no….hey how did you know she was a trannie? I thought no one but the two of us knew.”
Doc looks at Gil in amazement. “HOT DAMN !! I won the pool !! Ten grand ! I was right !! She really is a he !! Whoooooooo! (Audience applauded and nods their head….they knew it all along!) Errrrr (coughs) sorry back on topic…. it’s cost you the show, it’s ratings and now people are watching another soap called ‘GREY’S any comments?”
“Well we are trying to get back to the crime and…well CM is running scared and well it’s gonna get worse. (Gil hangs his head in shame, the audience whooooose).
“Well cough it up.” Doc sits there and folds his arms.
“Well seems Cath is gonna get a Mickey and raped (the audience gasps and yells ‘NO NO’) then….she thinks it’s Nick. “ (More gasps! From the audience)
“Nick? Oh ghees get a grrrrrrrip.”
“Well there’s this car crash, and and Lindsay is hurt and Sam dies. (More gasps from the audience and they are shaking their heads in disbelief) Oh and….Warrick? His marriage..pffffft so over. And he’s gambling again and I don’t know if I can save his job this time.”
“And what about our Greggo?”
“Well he does something stupid and he might end up back in the Lab. But he’ll get his pay raised back up to what it was before he became a CSI.”
“And…..” Doc looked at Gil with one eyebrow raised.
“And what?”
Doc shifted in the chair…. “YOU! What about YOU?”
“Oh hell, I’m bailing, you think I’m going to stay in that soap opera? Hell no I got a career to think about and besides Heather said she’s gonna forgive me but the guy who killed her daughter? She said he got off lightly. Somehow I think I’m in major trouble.”
“You’ll get what you got coming to you.” The audience breaks out into cheers.
“Man you got a tough audience here.”
“Be damned glad we aren’t turning you over to these audience members. You don’t have ANY idea of what they would do to you. (The audience cheers and whoooops and Gil swallows hard) They would be giving you exactly what you deserve mister….or DOCTOR Gil Grissom. They believed in you, they LOVED you and what did you do? Threw it all away over some piece of cheap ass….and finally you gave us the proof of what we all thought was true…she’s not a woman! And I’m going to take my Mrs on one hell of a vacation…ten grand man.”
“Well Doc am I cured? Can I go on?”
“Well you need to start to grovel, grow up, wash that dick of your’s off with bleach to start (Gil grits his teeth) and use a Brillo pad too. Fire those damned writers and for god sakes get rid of that CM! And then stand in front of your fans naked and take it like a man. Instead of the JERK you’ve been.”
Gil stands and looks into the camera. “Please Gil Grissom fans….(the audience starts to shout ‘knees on your knees’ Gil looks at Doc who nods) Oh Man, (he gets down) PLEASE forgive me, PLEASE ! I was stupid, I was (he sniffs) thinking with the wrong head, and well it’s not an excuse but….I had needs and she was there….a door mat, nothing more, nothing less, I realized my mistake (audience boos someone turns on a soap bubble machine) Gods. People PLEASE.. I’ll grovel, and get Heather to come back to the show. Yes, that’s it. Heather (the audience cheers) and we can work together to find the child.”
“And we get to see Heather whip your ass?”
“Agreed.” Gil looks at the camera. “Please I beg you.”
“Well there is one more thing Gil.” Doc wiggles his fingers and Jim Brass comes on stage. “Go ahead Jim, you know you need to do this.”
Jim walks up to Gil and looks down at him. “Gil Grissom, I’m arresting you for the sexual contact of an underage minor one Sara Sidle or as she er he was known Sam Sidle. You have the right…….”
