A New Beginning.

Working for the City of Las Vegas had it’s perks.  Holidays were not one of them.  The entire police department had to work on major holidays.  No exceptions.   That meant the entire Lab would be on duty for the end of 2007 and the beginning of 2008.

Gil Grissom looked out of the window in his office and stared at the not so full moon.  His hands in his pockets and his back to the door, he didn’t see or hear Catherine Willows coming.

“Penny for your thoughts.”   Her sulky voice brought Gil back to the present.

“Sorry?”

“What were you thinking about?”

“Oh nothing and everything.”   He didn’t smile but turned back to the view outside.  Catherine could see he was battling with himself again.

“Talk to me Gil.  We USED to be great friends.  I miss that.”   She walked over and stood besides him slowly resting her head on his arm.  “I miss you.  I miss our friendship. The joking, the laughter. Hell I miss that damn Shakespeare.”

Gil chuckled and with one hand tipped her nose.  “Me too.”  A few minutes passed before Catherine looked up at him.  “What?”

“Damn it Gil TALK!”

“About what?”

Catherine just rolled her eyes.   She grabbed his hand and sat him down on the sofa.  Then she walked over to the door and closed it while hitting the lock.   “You are NOT leaving this room alive unless we iron out a few things.”   Gil just blinked his usual ‘duh’ness’ look.

Catherine sat down hard and then folded her legs under her body and turned towards him.  “Talk…..and if you say ‘about what’….I swear I will punch you right in  the nose.”   She waited and when she received no answer she began to lean forward like she was going to punch him.

“OKAY !”  Then more softly, “Okay, I was just ‘gathering my thoughts’.”  He smiled shyly and they both chuckled at his trying to bide time.  “I’ve miss that too.”  He leaned over and took her hand and patted it.

“Not my fault, nor the Lab’s.  That my friend rests squarely on YOUR shoulders.”  Her one eyebrow came up and so did the corner of her mouth.  “Well?”

“I’m coming…give me second will ya?  Gods women talk all the time, men….”

“Hime and haul.”    Gil’s tongue slowly came part of the way out of his mouth and Catherine saw it.  She reached over and with her hand pushed up on his dimpled chin.  “Don’t you DARE stick your tongue out at me Mister.”

“OW!  I wasn’t…you know I do that when I’m thinking….it’s something you think is ‘charming’…at least you said that in the past.”  He put on a sheepish grin and Catherine just shook her head and started to open her mouth.  “Well, if you want me to talk, you’ll have to keep quiet.”   The icy glare was enough to freeze out the poor timed joke.  “Okay, sorry about that.”  He sighed and rubbed his hand thru his slightly longer greying hair.

“I like the grey better and the curls.  It’s more attractive then the obvious dyed black, slicked back hair you’ve been wearing for the last two years.  Besides most people your age have grey hair.  Embrace it.  It’s sexy.”

“And you?”

She glared at him again.

“Never had a grey hair on that pretty strawberry blonde head.  I know, I know.”  Gil smiled at her again, this time a chuckle came from her.  “Phew! Got out of that one.”  That remark earned him a smack on the arm which he playfully rubbed while gathering his thoughts even more.  “Okay, I think I’m sorta ready.”

“I would like to hear this BEFORE I die you know.”

“Aren’t we just full of encouragement here tonight?”   The look he got left nothing to his imagination, he knew he better start and fast.   “Okay, it started after Jim was shot.  I needed to….feel like I was alive.  The stress that put me under.  Having to decide if he was going to live or die….I know he trusted me and I hoped never to be put in that situation.  But there it was.  Jim’s life rested squarely on my shoulders.  When he woke up…. never was I so glad to look into those brown eyes of his.  Such a relief it was.”  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.   “I had no idea of how much pressure it was until his ‘cheering squad’ left…..all but Sara.  She stood there.  I didn’t see her with you guys.  She stood far away from all of you.  She said she felt like she wasn’t part of the group.  She was happy that he was going to be okay, but ….she never felt as if she belonged to ‘the team’.”

“She didn’t.  YOU brought her in.  It wasn’t like she was assigned to graveyard.  YOU brought her in to spy on Warrick.  How did you expect us to feel?  She should have left right after that.  Why DID she stay?”

“Because she wanted to be near me I guess.   I should have sent her back.  But she told me that she had packed up and brought everything with her.  She got rid of her apartment and quit her job in San Francisco.   What was I to do?  Send her back without a job?”

“It wasn’t your problem.  SHE quit, SHE packed up.  You didn’t ask for her to do that.  You should have said ‘thanks and goodbye’.  The team would have been better for it.  I know YOU would have.”   Gil just nodded slowly.   “You wouldn’t be in this mess and you would probably be a happy man right now.”  Again Gil nodded.  “Well, go on.”

“I left Jim after he fell asleep and she was still there waiting.  We got some dinner and headed back to her apartment and…well.  I needed stress release and one thing led to another and….it was a Sunday night if I remember right.  She was so willing and didn’t ask for anything other then me….at the time.  Later it ended up being more of a ball and chain.  I was suckered into believing she really wanted MY happiness as much as I wanted her to be happy.  All she wanted was to be me.   She wanted to consume me totally.  Be everything I was.  I look back now and realized how she treated you and the guys.  How she started to order you all around and the Lab personnel !   Gods the complaints I got and brushed them off.  The officers, everyone …and Ecklie.  That asshole.  Gods was he ever right on target.  But I didn’t say that.”   He smiled at Catherine sheepishly and she nodded back at him.  Both of them just tolerated the smug little ass kissing man that was their supervisor.    “Well, I covered her ass so much it became a daily habit.    She was always ready and willing.  It got into a habit I guess.  A bad one but a habit.  It was so much easier just to let her have her way then to fight her.  She convinced me that traveling to Hendersen every morning was wasting gas so I got the condo for us.  That’s gone now, I’m back in Hendersen….in MY own house, with Hank.  Gods she even named the poor dog after a boyfriend.   That should have told me something.”  He looked over to Catherine waiting for some response, he didn’t get one.   “Well, things were going along fine until Natalie got her.  I doubt that we would have been found out.  By the way Ecklie said something to me….maybe you can answer it.”   Catherine looked over to him puzzled.  “He said women like to talk about who they are dating?   Do they?   Why is it anyone’s business?  Don’t you want to keep it private?”  Catherine’s husky laugh startled Gil.  “Guess not.”

“No Gil.   When a woman is dating someone special she wants to announce it to the world.  HE’S MINE, hands off.  She’s proud of who she is seeing.  If she keeps it a secret it’s because she one…knows it’s wrong.  Or two, knows it will be frowned upon, or three,  he is a total jerk.  So which was it with Sara?”

“Well I don’t think I’m a jerk.”

“Don’t be too sure.”

“CATHERINE !”   She just looked at him wide eyed and smiled.  “Right, lately. Okay, I’ll chalk that one up.  She DID know it was wrong.  We both did.  Guess she wasn’t proud of it.  Mmm.  To think I asked her to marry me.”

“WWWWWWWWWWWWWWHAT?”  Catherine bolted off the fake leather couch and turned on Gil looking down on him.  “You DID WHAT?”

“Oh boy.  Err yeah.  She said yes, but thankfully she errr we didn’t get time to do it.”   Catherine sat down and looked at Gil like he had three heads.  “Thank heavens for small favours right?”   The look from Catherine , Gil knew it wasn’t funny.  “Okay…ah well she’s gone and I packed up her stuff and sent it to her in San Francisco.  I have talked to her a few times.   She’s not sure she’s coming back.  I think she wants me to come out there.   I don’t want to leave Las Vegas.  I like it here.  Mother’s buried here.  I just don’t want to leave….my family.  You and the guys.  I just don’t want to leave at least not for just Sara’s sake.  Hodges said something and it rings true.”  Once again Catherine’s eyebrow came up in amazement.  “Yeah Hodges, who would have thought.   He said sometimes you just have to let them go.  He’s so right.  It is what it is or was.  But it’s over.  Now it’s time for me to move on.  Make amends and move on.  First thing I have to do is try to get my rep back and then….”

“No.”

“No what?”

“It’s NOT the first thing you need to do.”

“What is it then?”

“Think.”

“Errrr….”

“What is the HARDEST thing for YOU to do.  Okay ANY MAN to do.”

“Admit we are wrong?”

“AND????”

“Oh….apologize.”  Catherine smiled at the small victory.

“WELL?”

“Well what?  OH!  Oh right.  Mmm should I start with the guys first or the entire Lab or….WHAT?”

“HELLO?”   Gil just looked at her.  “Where is a two by four when you need one?  GIL…..”

“Sorry Catherine.  Really I’m sorry.”  He once again took her hand and this time held it and covered it with his other hand.   “I never wanted to hurt you of all people.   I realize now if you HAD known and we HAD done it properly you might even have been happy for me. For us.”

“Don’t count on that.”   She looked at him square in the face.  “There is NO WAY that woman, and I use the term loosely, was good for you.  NO WAY!.  She was wrong for you in every way.   Now Terri Miller, would have been good, but she wasn’t much of a challenge…mentally for you.  You did ogle her enough.  Then Sofia…”   Gil’s eyes bugged out.  “Like you didn’t think we would find out?”

“How?  Did she tell you something? “

“Mmm just that you two had a memorable evening just before she left.”  Catherine smiled.   Gil blushed.  “Didn’t expect her to come back did ya?”  Gil’s eyes just closed.  “Then there’s Heather.”  Catherine felt Gil’s hand stiffen over her’s.   “Ahhh, she still rattles your cage.  You wouldn’t have helped her with her Granddaughter if you didn’t harbour some feelings for her….more then a friend.”  Catherine watched as Gil’s chin lowered to his chest.  “You still do I think.  Now there is the perfect woman for you…..other then me of course.   But we aren’t going down that road.”  Gil looked up and raised an eyebrow.  “Sorry but I’m not going anywhere near you after Sara.  I have standards.  And again there’s Ecklie.”

“I see Heather once in a while, we take Allison to the park or to one of the merry go rounds.  She loves those and I’m sorta of a chaperone for them.  Jerome is breaking the Court order by letting her see Allison.  But with me there, they both know I wouldn’t let Heather take her out of the City much less the State.”   Catherine nodded.   “So we do get to spend a few hours together.”

“And how has it been?   Do you look forward to them?  Enjoy them?”

“Yeah…a lot why?”

“And how did you feel when you were going home to Sara?  After work?  Where you looking forward to seeing her when you got home or….”

“Grinding my teeth wondering what problems I would have to cover up the next shift?   The mistakes I would have to fix?  Wondering if Hank was still alive?  Did you know she got him fixed and put his balls in a jar?  I got them in my office.   That was our first anniversary present.   I think it was a not so subtle warning.”

Catherine’s hand went to her mouth in shock and then she burst out laughing.   “Oh dear GOD !”   She was howling.

Gil crossed his legs and put a protective hand over his lap.  “It’s NOT funny.  Poor Hank, he was walking like John Wayne for two weeks.”   The mental picture flashed before his eyes and he shook.  “God that poor dog.  She wouldn’t let him sleep on the bed with us either.  Didn’t bother me.  Hank snored less and he didn’t smell like booze first thing in the morning. “   He realized he let out more then he should have.   Catherine just looked at him.  “I know, Jim tried and I think that’s why those two were on edge.  She didn’t like it when he would follow her to ‘AA’ meetings.  So she stopped going.  She defeated what he was trying to teach her.  He had been thru it.  He knew.  Granted Jim can drink and knows when to stop NOW, Sara couldn’t do that.  She wasn’t happy unless she was sitting there with a fifth.”  Gil shook his head.

“So when are you going to talk to the guys.  Group or individual?   I THINK you should do a one or one.  That way THEY can get THEIR feelings off their chest.  Especially Greg.  He had feelings for Sara.  The others, they could care less.   She’s gone and they are happy about it.”   Gil looked at her,   “Gods don’t tell me you didn’t know that they really couldn’t stand her.   She was a good CSI but outside the Lab.   She was NEVER one of us.  And this situation made it worse.  So if I were you….one on one.  Then if you want to do each Departments as a group….but Wendy, Hodges, ARCHIE ….they all should be individual sessions.  The killer will be Ecklie.”  There was dead silence.  Then both looked at each other and at the same time…..

“Nah….forget him!”   They laughed.

“Jim.  Did you talk to Jim?”   Gil shook his head.  He knew early on.  He didn’t say a word to anyone, but he knew.  He let me know he didn’t like it but that it was my decision.  He even mentioned what it would do to the team and to my career.  He asked me point blank if she was worth all that.  I couldn’t answer him.  Then he just walked away.”

“Should have told you something right then and there.  You know Jim would be one of your best cheerleaders if he knew you had the right women.  He’s got issues with Heather right now.  But I think they can work on that.  He sees enough crap on the job, he doesn’t want to see someone throw away their life.  Maybe you can get them talking again.”   She leaned over and patted his leg.  “Then maybe the four of us could have dinner.  It would be nice to go out again….like we used to.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“Well guess we should start doing SOMETHING tonight.”  The clock struck twelve and the sounds of fireworks were heard.  “Happy New Year Gil.  I hope 2008 is wonderful for you.”  They both got up and Catherine tippy toed and kissed his cheek.  “Don’t EVER do that again.  Or I’ll kill you.  I know where and how to avoid being caught.”  She smiled up at him.

Gil looked down and wrapped his arms around her.  “Thank you Catherine.  I really am sorry and I REALLY missed your…..”  He patted her tush.   “….that.”   They laughed and smiled.

Catherine walked over to the door and unlocked it.   “So who shall I send in first?  Warrick?  Brass?”

“Give me a few minutes.  I want to call Heather.”   Gil sat at his desk and picked up the phone.

Catherine smiled and closed the door as she heard Gil wishing Heather a ‘Happy New Year’.